Shake the Dust

Reflection
Illusion
what's the difference

With each beat
a memory rises
shakes off the dust
regains its color
comes back to life
moves across the room
moving across my mind
filling my heartbeats

so close that it can almost be felt
so far that it breaks your heart
all over again

wouldn't it be nice
for one night
to hide away
beneath a fort of blankets
and take a peek
into yesterday
and pretend
it hasn't gone away

the past whispers
what seems to be true
in this moment
who knows
the future hides behind a mask
or so it seems

wipe your tears
wipe the sweat from the nape of your nake
wipe the blood from your collar bone
carry on

Skinny Love

This is not something that I wrote, but it's definitely something to consider:

Maybe today you could remember to appreciate someone in your life who you love, even if that person is tough to love sometimes.

Think about how much better their life is because you acknowledge their love.

Think about how much better your life is because you acknowledge theirs.

I think about this sometimes, and then I wonder how many people - asked to remember those in their lives whom they love despite the challenge - would think of me...

How boring would it be if we only accepted easy love?

(Also - make friends in grocery store lines)

And if you feel like you're drowning...

“This is what you do. If you feel low, you stand tall. You mess up, you move on. You want to try something, try it, and if it was a stupid thing to try, you look it in the eye. There's no turning back. You apologize if you're sorry, but know that the nimblest, strongest hands can't rebuild a bridge out of embers, so cut new wood. Start from scratch. You love with your whole heart. If you're jealous, talk yourself from the ledge. If you can't talk yourself down from the ledge, have a good time up there, looking down on the world. If you have to lie to make everything true again, lie like you mean it. If you find yourself in a cage, reach out through the bars for the key, unlock the door, and run away. If running away gets dangerous, run home. If home doesn't mean what it used to mean, decide what home will be in the future. If your best friend says she doesn't trust you, hold her jaw in your hand until it hurts, and make her face you. Thats all it takes. If you think you love a guy, see how his hand looks in yours, thats all it takes. If you get exiled into a new land, then go discover it. And if you feel like you're drowning, go swimming."
- Hobson Brown

A Little BitE of Heaven

I am ridiculously behind on the "thankful" statements. So I salute the lost days and am resuming today. And I am once again changing it up. Today, I am thankful for creative control over my life in general, but specifically when it comes to cooking. In the past, I have found much passion and success in the kitchen. I adore cooking. I adore food. I think it is beautiful, it tastes delicious, I love to try new food. I am a foody. However I tend to be the type that doesn't follow recipes. I don't follow "rules" in any other facet of my life, so why surrender creative control in the kitchen to a recipe? I love throwing stuff together and enjoying the final result. I have never had a bad experience with this. And a lot of times I will find a recipe that I like, but I will change it up by adding/subtracting ingredients and putting my own spin on it. With that said, yesterday I came across a recipe for a crockpot chicken & stuffing. I don't feel as though I was able to eat my fill of Thanksgiving food this year, since we did not cook at my house, so this sounded delightful. It had me at "stovetop stuffing". The recipe was ridiculously simple, only 4 ingredients I believe. I immediately began to come up with things to add, things that would enhance it, things I loved to eat. The finished result was b-e-a-utiful and delicious, as well as deliciously BAD for you. But it was just the comfort food that I was craving. 

Here is my rendition of Chicken & Stuffing:

4 Chicken Breasts (though in my case, my Kroger sucks ass, so I used about 6 thin-sliced chicken breasts)

1 Can Cream of Chicken Soup

1/2 - 3/4 Cup Sour Cream (I leaned toward 3/4. I also think cream cheese would taste AMAZING)

1 Box Stovetop Stuffing (I used the Savory Herbs flavor)

1/2 Can of Sweet Kernel Corn (My addition)

4 Slices Swiss Cheese (Or however many it takes to cover the top of the chicken. ALSO my addition)

I poured some of the juice from the corn in the bottom of the crockpot. 

Place the chicken in the bottom of the crockpot. 

Pour corn around chicken.

Place swiss cheese on top of chicken to cover it.

Pour dry stuffing mix on top of everything.

Mix cream of chicken, sour cream, and 1/4 Cup water

Pour mixture over stuffing.

Crank the crockpot to "low" for about 3.5 hours.

SO good on a cold and dreary day.

It could be that we are all musicians, singing our way through life. 

- East Forest

Timelines, Stepping Stones, Milestones

Over the past year, there is one thing that has been omnipresent in my life: time. How much longer until the work day is done? How much longer until my birthday or Christmas? How much longer until I am done with school? And even more present are two questions, one which plagued me in the past, and one which dwells with me right now. Then: how much longer do I have with my Pop; now: how much longer until I am reunited with him. I don't contemplate the latter very often, as I prefer to live in the present and enjoy each moment as it comes. I am aware now, more than ever, of how fleeting time can be, and I am aware of the importance of being thankful for each passing minute.  

Lately, however, I have been feeling pressure (more like putting pressure on myself) to fulfill a "timeline". I am about to turn 24 years old, and I have been feeling as though I have not accomplished enough for my age. Once upon a time I envisioned what my life "should" look like by now: college degree, career, marriage (or at least a steady relationship), the consideration of children, etc. But my life looks NOTHING like that...not one thing that I deemed "appropriate" for my age has come to fruition according to the timeline I believed I should follow. 

However, in the past year, time has given me one gift: the realization of my youth. I was born an old soul. I am a late bloomer in the "youth" chapter. I've always been quick to mature and slow to have fun, however this past year has allowed me to fully grasp my age, my youth, and my desire to embrace the freedom that comes along with being 24 years old and having no restrictions (such as a family, career, etc). I can look back now and see this as a gift. I have never had more fun, tried more new things, made new friends, and embraced the gift of life as I have in the past 365 days.

This week, my intuition has taught me something very wise: there is no timeline, I am on no one's schedule, my life is right on track, and everything is right on schedule. Things don't happen on accident, bad decisions don't happen for no reason, mistakes have a purpose. Life is seemingly a giant puzzle; each misstep, each broken heart, each detour is simply another piece of my life given to me to completely fill the puzzle. I realize that by pressuring myself to fit my life into a timeline, and by comparing my accomplishments to the accomplishments of others, I am ultimately restricting myself from many potentially life-changing experiences, and I am ignoring my present youth, when I should be embracing it. With that said, I feel more at peace with my present situation. I have made many accomplishments in my life, many that are not physically tangible, but they are equally as important. I have an "idea" about what I would like to accomplish in the next year or so, however I remain flexible as to the detours that the universe may take me on, and I look forward to the next piece in my puzzle.

Time
the sneaky little bastard
It can bring hope
Or crush it
It can cure
Or destroy
Time

Obsolete

Filling the space, filling the time
Avoiding the space between my thoughts and this page
Lacking inspiration, or maybe motivation
Lacking a muse or a love greater than the stars
Is this really necessary?

Spending the night out under the stars,
Drinks in my hands and running through my veins
Laughter pouring out from my soul
Lingering on my eyes and the corners of my mouth
Is this what it's about?

So many questions left unanswered
So many thoughts wondering around
In the corners of my messy mind
Without roots, sailing on
Without hope of finding their shore

The unexplained lingers
The questions expand and release
Some answered, others increasing with each passing moment
Defenses on and then off, on again
How does it feel to be certain?


My own mind creeping up on me
Slowly and sneakily
Until finally, in the grand scheme, I stop fighting
And my worries are rendered
Obsolete