Moments

September 2008

Moments.
In your eyes I knew.
Attraction.
Relentless love.
Neverending.
Surrender your loneliness to me.
Complete the gap between us.
Put your hand in mine.
Sunset ahead.
Aimless wandering it seems...
Purpose?
Destiny.
Resistance in tow.
Obstacles all around.
Stay or go?
Love me now.
Forever.
Return.
Persist in me.
Pursue my affection.
Follow my direction.
Give up your pride.
Have me. 
Erase.
Let go.
Allow. 
Have faith.
Loyalty.
I will never leave.
Be.
Be my love.

Brighter than sunshine..

I don't know how it's possible.
I'm not sure if it's true or real or if my soul is playing tricks on me.
But right now, in this moment, at 12:41 PM, I feel healed.
I feel like something has lifted the curtain that has been covering the part of me that has felt so dark for the past year.
It's like I can finally feel the sunlight raining down on my skin again.
I don't know who is to blame or thank, I don't know why, but I am ok in this moment.
I am happy, excited, eager, enchanted by life and what is in front of me and what lies ahead.
It's been so long since I have felt this way, or perhaps it's simply been so long since I allowed myself to be excited about the future.
I spent many years in some form of a black hole.
I had no idea where I was going or what I wanted.
I was complacent. I had no passion. I was coasting.
I had forgotten who I was.
I am not a complacent person.
I am a passionate person, someone that dives first and thinks later, someone that completely envelopes myself into the things that I do.
I had neglected that facet of myself.
I was lost for so long.
Today, I feel found.
It's a wonderful thing.
Crazy/exciting/terrifying/BIG things are in store.
Things I'd never imagined for myself, but things that seem to fit right in with me.
I can't wait.
The future is bright.

The Uncertainty of Being

I'm not sure that we ever truly know what we need.
I'm not sure that we ever say the right thing or make the right gesture.
I'm not sure that we aren't constantly disappointing each other.
I'm not sure that we aren't constantly disappointing ourselves.

I am sure, however, that we are learning every single day.
I am sure that tiny pieces of life reveal themselves to us daily.

If you say that you don't learn something new everyday, you are lying.
Each day shows us something new: about ourselves, about other people, about life, about our surroundings.
Isn't that beautiful?

There are days when I'm not sure where I belong.
There are days when I'm not sure who I belong with. Many, many days.
There are days when I'm not sure who I'm supposed to be.

But then there are those bright and beautiful days...
the days that reveal to me secrets about myself and about the universe.



These days tell me that I am exactly where I belong.

These days tell me that I am the best version of myself in this moment.

These days tell me that life is beautiful, forgiving, abundant, and overflowing with love and light.


As the sun caresses my skin with its warmth
and the music tickles my soul with its sweet melodies,
I feel concrete.
I feel certain.
I feel right.

Make A Plan to Love Me Sometime Soon

Let's all take a moment and pay homage to the person that we once were.
To the person that brought us to where we are right now in this very second.
To the person that hopefully is the best version of ourselves.
We would not be standing here without her/him.
The past few days have brought along a lot of reflection.
I've spent countless minutes going through old parts of myself.
Things that I once wrote.
Things that I once said to other people.
Things that were said to me.
It is nice sometimes to just step back inside my mind and find the place that I once was, and reconnect to the person that I once was.
I've said it before and I will say it again:
you have to learn to appreciate the person you once were in order to see the person that you are becoming.
I think the most important lesson I've learned in my reflecting the last few days (and pardon my language):
Maybe I'm not as fucked up as I assumed I always was.
To finally come to that conclusions was liberating. Though it may sound funny (or offensive).
Regardless, it is the truth.
I walked the earth for so many years as a young child, teenager, and even young adult, believing that there was something terminally wrong with me. I thought perhaps my emotional facilities weren't quite up to par, maybe there were some short circuits in the mental aspect of things. I was just so certain that SOMETHING was wrong with me, that I was different, that I just wasn't 100%. But looking back now at the person that I used to be, there was nothing wrong with me. Despite life's many attempts to bring me down and break me, I have made it, successfully, thus far. That is such an accomplishment. I have never given myself enough credit.

I may be a little damaged.
I may have a few scars.
But then again,

who doesn't? 

Skinny Love

This is not something that I wrote, but it's definitely something to consider:

Maybe today you could remember to appreciate someone in your life who you love, even if that person is tough to love sometimes.

Think about how much better their life is because you acknowledge their love.

Think about how much better your life is because you acknowledge theirs.

I think about this sometimes, and then I wonder how many people - asked to remember those in their lives whom they love despite the challenge - would think of me...

How boring would it be if we only accepted easy love?

(Also - make friends in grocery store lines)

Against the Grain

Time to turn a new leaf! Starting fresh with new goals, new mantras, and a new blog! I'm new to this blog format, so forgive me while I get comfortable in the new habitat.

So it is now November, my birthday month. October came and left like a thief in the night! As both my birthday and Thanksgiving are approaching, I always get into a contemplative state of mind and try to evaluate the past year since my prior birthday. I know that during November, men aren't supposed to shave (thank you, Jesus! Can I get an amen?!) and women are supposed to not wear makeup or something along those lines (let's face it...can we REALLY go a month without shaving? That's just gross.). People put up a new "thankful" statement, some serious while others are a humorous interpretation. So rather than follow the norm, which you will soon find out is something that I go out of my way to AVOID...I'm going to do 30 days of thankful for the people in my life who have kept me going this past year. It's been a tough year, but a year full of growth and discovery. I'm a little bit behind, so I'm going to cram a few people into the first few posts.