Enticement and Affirmations

I want to be am enticing.
I want to be am alive.
I want to be am so alive that I can do nothing but say "yes" and live.
I want to be am so alive that when people see me,
my soul is so on fire that I glow from my eyes to my fingertips to my toes.
I want to be am so alive that my lungs are filled with laughter and
my eyes are hungry for the fire in others eyes
I want to burn so brightly that I light up the atmosphere,
that I catch your attention from across the room,
that I consume you.
So much so that our eyes meet
and become one
So much so that our fingertips touch
and sparks mold us into one touch
So much so, that should our lips meet
stars would erupt and
burst from our seams.

Of Fear and Vulnerability

Fear
The feeling of falling
Of completely not knowing
Nauseating, yet
Refreshing
Like the winter time
Windows down
That burst of cold air that blows in your face
Takes your breath away
Fills your lungs with chill
And that vulnerable
and open feeling
of
Life.
Vulnerability.
The stubborn mystery
Cutting yourself open
Bearing yourself
Unsure of how to keep yourself together
While un-tucking your deepest folds
It's terrifying
You're never ready
Or so it feels

What to do?

Words of Old

July 17, 2009

 You never know how much you enjoy being alone, until the sun’s rays are beaming in through your window, and you are begging for the shade of your neighbor palm. 

Sticky skin, warmth bellowing in from all around you, you can feel your nerves are not quite as strong as they should be. 

Cold showers, popsicles, taking a dip in your neighbor’s pool…

Heat drives anger…among other things. 

Causes things to wilt…people to wilt…

But life goes on…

Who knows how people survived back in the day.

Staring through the fan in my window, gazing outside…

I wish for the director’s “Cut”, or a scene change.

I wish for the fading out of the current view, and the brilliant opening to the next chapter.

Life seems to be much more copacetic in the movies.

Barebacked, fans blowing, nothing moving except the hundreds of thoughts in my mind…

Hot air moving from one area to the next, and back…you can pretend to be comfortable.

Pressure is on, truth is revealed…but you can pretend to be comfortable.

Missing the company of my closest companion…my other half.

Wishing that months would pass by like the cars outside…quickly and without interference. 

Missing long talks, text-less evenings, and never-ending laughs…

God i can’t wait for the re-acquaintance.

There is nothing to worry about…

Everything is fine and dandy…aside from the fact that life is ending as I know it.

But even so, I feel a calm peace about me…

There is a weakness that tries to break through the bricks in my skull, 

Beginning to beg me not to do it…

But the bricks will not budge this time, and neither will my decision.

Man if there were only a burst of cool air…

Something to soothe the toiling in my mind, and the sweat on my forehead.

The nighttime is what I am looking for…

You never know how much you enjoy having another, until the cool moist air from the night seeps through the cracks in your window sill, enough to cause goosebumps, and the desire for closeness with that person. 

Cool breeze, Light mist from the lawn, and fluffy clouds above…

Taking a walk while it is bearable…

Challenging yourself.

Enjoy that which you so rarely find…

Twirl a bit, laugh a bit, and be thankful.

Scattered, Random flowers around, like the thoughts in my mind…

It’s hard to write just one thing,

When the words just flow out of my mind all at once.

Do you understand?

Shake the Dust

Reflection
Illusion
what's the difference

With each beat
a memory rises
shakes off the dust
regains its color
comes back to life
moves across the room
moving across my mind
filling my heartbeats

so close that it can almost be felt
so far that it breaks your heart
all over again

wouldn't it be nice
for one night
to hide away
beneath a fort of blankets
and take a peek
into yesterday
and pretend
it hasn't gone away

the past whispers
what seems to be true
in this moment
who knows
the future hides behind a mask
or so it seems

wipe your tears
wipe the sweat from the nape of your nake
wipe the blood from your collar bone
carry on

Against the Grain

Time to turn a new leaf! Starting fresh with new goals, new mantras, and a new blog! I'm new to this blog format, so forgive me while I get comfortable in the new habitat.

So it is now November, my birthday month. October came and left like a thief in the night! As both my birthday and Thanksgiving are approaching, I always get into a contemplative state of mind and try to evaluate the past year since my prior birthday. I know that during November, men aren't supposed to shave (thank you, Jesus! Can I get an amen?!) and women are supposed to not wear makeup or something along those lines (let's face it...can we REALLY go a month without shaving? That's just gross.). People put up a new "thankful" statement, some serious while others are a humorous interpretation. So rather than follow the norm, which you will soon find out is something that I go out of my way to AVOID...I'm going to do 30 days of thankful for the people in my life who have kept me going this past year. It's been a tough year, but a year full of growth and discovery. I'm a little bit behind, so I'm going to cram a few people into the first few posts.