Over the past year, there is one thing that has been omnipresent in my life: time. How much longer until the work day is done? How much longer until my birthday or Christmas? How much longer until I am done with school? And even more present are two questions, one which plagued me in the past, and one which dwells with me right now. Then: how much longer do I have with my Pop; now: how much longer until I am reunited with him. I don't contemplate the latter very often, as I prefer to live in the present and enjoy each moment as it comes. I am aware now, more than ever, of how fleeting time can be, and I am aware of the importance of being thankful for each passing minute.
Lately, however, I have been feeling pressure (more like putting pressure on myself) to fulfill a "timeline". I am about to turn 24 years old, and I have been feeling as though I have not accomplished enough for my age. Once upon a time I envisioned what my life "should" look like by now: college degree, career, marriage (or at least a steady relationship), the consideration of children, etc. But my life looks NOTHING like that...not one thing that I deemed "appropriate" for my age has come to fruition according to the timeline I believed I should follow.
However, in the past year, time has given me one gift: the realization of my youth. I was born an old soul. I am a late bloomer in the "youth" chapter. I've always been quick to mature and slow to have fun, however this past year has allowed me to fully grasp my age, my youth, and my desire to embrace the freedom that comes along with being 24 years old and having no restrictions (such as a family, career, etc). I can look back now and see this as a gift. I have never had more fun, tried more new things, made new friends, and embraced the gift of life as I have in the past 365 days.
This week, my intuition has taught me something very wise: there is no timeline, I am on no one's schedule, my life is right on track, and everything is right on schedule. Things don't happen on accident, bad decisions don't happen for no reason, mistakes have a purpose. Life is seemingly a giant puzzle; each misstep, each broken heart, each detour is simply another piece of my life given to me to completely fill the puzzle. I realize that by pressuring myself to fit my life into a timeline, and by comparing my accomplishments to the accomplishments of others, I am ultimately restricting myself from many potentially life-changing experiences, and I am ignoring my present youth, when I should be embracing it. With that said, I feel more at peace with my present situation. I have made many accomplishments in my life, many that are not physically tangible, but they are equally as important. I have an "idea" about what I would like to accomplish in the next year or so, however I remain flexible as to the detours that the universe may take me on, and I look forward to the next piece in my puzzle.
Time
the sneaky little bastard
It can bring hope
Or crush it
It can cure
Or destroy
Time
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